In the poorest of taste, I ask you:

Does he believe in Darwin's theory of evolution NOW?

Body ID'd as priest who flew on party balloons

As anybody who has ever used an Internet knows, Lawn Chair Larry popularized this type of stunt over 25 years ago, earning an honorary Darwin Award. (Honorary because he didn't die in the process.)

RAGBRAI or bust!

Today was my grandfather's funeral, and it was a wonderful day. The other grandchildren and I had the honor of sharing pallbearer duties. My aunt and uncle did a spectacular job of displaying photographs of Papa's life. And these kinds of family gatherings always offer opportunities to reconnect with loved ones.

Now it's time to move on, and I truly believe Papa would say, "Now go have fun with your friends." So after the services I picked up a rental car and threw my bike in the back. Before dawn tomorrow, I'm driving to Ames, Iowa to meet with the rest of my RAGBRAI team. So get ready Iowa, here comes the fun!

RAGBRAI OR BUST!

Where in the world is Jen going? (RAGBRAI 2008)

I won't be blogging most of next week because I'll be in Iowa, riding my bike most of the way across the state from the west to the east. This has become an annual trip for me (it's my third year) and I do it because: 1) it's fun with friends; 2) it gets me in shape; and 3) it gets me on my bike. I have a couple nice bikes, and I might not ever ride them if I didn't have to train for, and then ride, RAGBRAI.

The route changes every year, so we get to taste different Iowa towns from year to year. The total distance of the 2008 route is 471 miles, and it's said to be hillier than recent years. RAGBRAI 2008 will be a challenge for me!

The ride goes for seven days straight, camping at night (mostly in school fields and private yards). Day 1 is tomorrow, Sunday, July 20. Here are maps of each day's ride, so you can follow along at home! (Click the image for a larger PDF.)



My team members, the Converters, have already arrived in Missouri Valley, set up camp, and have been drinking beer for a number of hours. I will be meeting up with them on Tuesday, July 22 in Ames. Sadly, my grandfather passed away yesterday and I will be staying home through Monday for funeral services, so I can say goodbye to the wonderful man I knew as "Papa". Papa will be the subject of another post for another day and should have come first, but the fact is that this post had the good fortune of having already been written earlier in the week, scheduled to appear tomorrow morning. But since I won't be starting the ride tomorrow morning, I thought it appropriate to edit the post and go ahead and send it on its way into the Great Internets.

The good thing about arriving on Day 3 is that I'll miss the Karras Loop decision on Day 2. Each year on one of the days of the ride, an optional loop called the Karras Loop is added, which brings that day's total distance to about 100 miles. In my two years' participation I've had yet to take part in the optional century, but I really wanted to do it this year (against my better judgment). Without the Karras Loop, Day 2 is already 83 miles, but trust me, there is a big difference between 83 and 100 miles. Something happens to most riders around mile 75, and pushing it to 100 takes its toll. Especially when it's only Day 2, and you have 5 more days of pedaling ahead of you. (Plus, there is no rider support on the Karras Loop, so you need to have a level of confidence that you can make it without guaranteed food, water, or bike maintenance. This is precisely the kind of thing I would definitely do early in the day, early in the week, if I were feeling good.)

Anyway, how about those maps? I wonder if the Tour de France riders get anything that snazzy! (The Des Moines Register provided us with the maps, and I put them all together in the one-sheet printout for my team members. It folds up to become pocket-sized. I sent the maps along with the rest of the Chicago contingent, who drove out to Iowa this morning at 7am.)

Some days the heart isn't in it

Geezus, I must have made a half dozen wrong turns on my bike ride to work this morning. I mean, I know how to get to downtown Chicago: head south. And you'd think, to get to the lake front bike path, you'd head east. How hard is that?

But in reality, "heading south" without a plan will lead you into dead ends, crappy streets, etc. (OK, that's all I could think of, because that's what I encountered today.) And there are actually only a few places to get on to the lake front bike path, so you want to get that right, too.

The great thing is, the signage is fantastic. I rode to work last week for the first time in, oh, 5 years, and I really couldn't remember what route I used to take. And I also used to have a living, breathing guide to help, too. I was afraid I was in for a really long and frustrating ride as I figured out which way to go. Much like today's ride. But as it turned out, there are little green signs on just about every block pointing the way for bikes. ("To lakefront, 2.5mi", "To Loyola, .5mi", etc.) We don't have bike lanes everywhere in Chicago yet, but the efforts that have been made so far are really nice.

But signage only works, apparently, when you're watching where you're going. A modicum of alertness is required to notice when the signs are telling you to turn left. Without it, you end up dead ending into a parking lot. Which I may or may not have been able to cut across, but it looked like there was a fence on the other side. I couldn't tell. Anyway, what would I do once I got to the other side? I was annoyed. I turned around and backtracked for about four blocks until I found the green sign that I had missed. The cop standing on the corner watched me ride by her both times. I felt like such a dip.

That wasn't the first wrong turn I took this morning, and it wasn't the last. When I got to work, I took the elevator to the wrong floor. I walked my bike all the way down the 4th floor hallway before I realized that my office is on the 3rd floor. I carried the bike back down to 3 (and the cup of coffee I had been holding since I stopped at the corner coffee shop, which was a thrill) and finally made it to the office. And a nice, cool shower.

So this morning, my heart wasn't in my ride. I'm sure I'll get back in the game for my ride home.

The rest of my Sunday

It turned out that my Sunday morning was far more interesting than the rest of it. That wasn't unexpected, as those three hours leading up to 8:30am were a very special treat for me. It wasn't like winning the lottery, or childbirth, or qualifying for the Boston Marathon, but as far as day to day life goes, especially alone in the wee morning hours, this morning was hard to beat. I should get out of bed at 5:15am more often.

The rest of my day yielded regular things. I mowed the lawn, I filled in a few holes in the yard, I disposed of all the weeds that I pulled out of the vegetable garden yesterday. I did some work for a few clients. I took the dogs for a walk and met a new neighbor. I did some laundry.

But the "best" thing I did was to trim the tree in my front yard. This tree has been responsible for most of the shade that covers my vegetable garden in the afternoon, and it had a branchy area I could tend to without hiring a tree service.

BEFORE CHAIN SAW:

AFTER CHAIN SAW:

The photos are looking west. So what will happen now is that in the early afternoon the top part of the tree will still shade the garden, but late afternoon the sun will have plenty of time to shine on my little veggies for some ultraviolet action. I hope this perks up the yellow onions a bit.

(The photos were taken from different angles because in the afternoon I put a storage closet/wardrobe similar to this out on my curb, and in the second photo, the tree just blocks the big white wardrobe. I didn't put it there as trash; this is my preferred method of giving things away. I've put the darndest things out on that curb, from old cat beds to damaged rugs to broken stairmasters to today's wardrobe, and they are always scavenged by someone within a day. Luckily my neighbors aren't hoity-toity enough to complain to me about my white trashy habits.)

A Sunday morning of great interest

It's only 8:30am, and I've already seen several interesting things today. Things of enough interest to take note.

I saw the sun rise over Lake Michigan (where I was riding hill repeats on my bike), into a perfectly cloudless sky.

On my way home, I saw a red fox in a driveway. Standing there, like he owned the place.

And right on my block, I saw two more interesting things:

I saw a man walking two cats on leashes.

I saw two men riding a tandem recumbent bike.

Speaking of bikes, last week when I was riding to and from work along the lakefront, I saw a couple interesting things as well.

I saw a person riding a unicycle.

I saw a person riding a penny-farthing.

I wonder what the rest of my day will bring?

The slow down, waste time experiment?

I've been trying to save gas, really, I have.

I've been trying to do my little part in decreasing our dependency on oil. I've been trying to do my little part in decreasing greenhouse gas emissions. And because my parts in these matters are so very miniscule (but, I believe, worthwhile), I've been most interested in the effect that decreasing my auto fuel consumption might have on my bank account.

I admit, I didn't think gas prices would get this high this year. The cheap stuff is $4.29 in my neighborhood, but last night when I was in the city, it was $4.74. Yes, the cheap stuff. That's Chicago: the frequent leader in gas prices and sales tax (which is now 10.25%, but that's another topic for another day). Luckily, I had filled up "cheaply" earlier in the day.

Now, there are many ways to use less gas (drive less, use your temperature control wisely, keep your tires properly inflated, keep your car tuned up, etc.), but the only significant way I can try to use less gas is to slow down. I can't drive any less, I already use public transportation or ride my bike whenever possible, and I keep my car in pretty good condition. So, since May 6, I have been experimenting with capping my highway speeds at 60mph. That's down from my usual comfort zone of 80-85mph. I've documented each fill up, noting the number of gallons pumped and the distance traveled since my last fill up. And I've done the math, here and there. (Honestly, I still have a partial stack of receipts to finish crunching.) But time and time again when I compare my latest mileage with my pre-experiment mileage, I'm not seeing any mind-blowing results.

No matter what I do, no matter how fast or how slow or on what kind of road, I still get between 30 and 40 miles to the gallon, which ain't half bad.

But the reason I haven't posted any numbers yet is because my driving habits just aren't regular. For instance, I think the initial tank of gas that I'm comparing results to, the tank in which I drove balls-out at 85mph every chance I got, was driven almost entirely on the highway. Whereas recent tanks have seen, for instance, three highway round trips to the far west suburbs and one round trip into the city on side streets. So comparing these numbers isn't quite like comparing apples to apples. I want more data before posting any comprehensive results.

Meanwhile, today over at one of my favorite web sites, Ask MetaFilter, Sanka had this to say:

As my anecdote: I recently rented an 08 Hyundai Elantra to drive from Houston to San Antonio. I set the cruise at 75mph and used the A/C the entire way. After refilling up I calculated the mileage out to 37.5 mpg, 0.5 mpg better than advertised.

I'm feeling a lot like that. My good intentions are in place, but my equipment is all wrong. Like I'm preaching to the choir, the choir being my all too fuel efficient car. (A Toyota Matrix, for those keeping score.) Why didn't I try this experiment when I drove my last car, an SUV? That old Ford Explorer was a good car, but a proper gas guzzler, too. Well...had I done the experiment back then, I expect my blog entries might have looked something like this:

Ran the numbers again today, and no matter what I do, my gas mileage still sucks!!!

How to save $500 per month: I wish!

My favorite personal finance blog, Get Rich Slowly, posted today about ways to cut your spending by $500/month. My brain immediately perked up when I read that headline, because I pay down my credit card debt by $500 each month, and it would be great to either: 1) pay them $500 more per month, or 2) have $500 to spend on other things, because most of my disposable income goes to my credit card debt.

So let's look at the excerpt:

Cut your spending by $500 per month
The Consumer Reports Money Lab looked for easy ways for the average American to save money. They came up with six suggestions and estimated potential savings for the average consumer. Here are their suggestions....

1. Find cheaper auto insurance. By shopping around, the average person can save $65 per month.
2. Optimize your life insurance. Premiums have dropped in the past ten years, the article notes. It may be worth replacing an existing policy. Also, by adopting a healthier lifestyle, you can cut costs. Average savings? $110.
3. Shop smart for food. CR cites U.S. Department of Agriculture data indicating the average family of four can drop its grocery bill by nearly $200 per month though smarter shopping.
4. Stop paying bank fees. The average U.S. household pays more than $25 per month in bank fees. There’s no reason to do so.
5. Call up cell phone savings. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average family spends $90 on phone-related expenses. Consumer Reports suggests checking to be sure you’re not paying for too many minutes.
6. Pay off your credit card. If you can get out of debt, you’ll not only save on finance charges, but you’ll also free up the cash that was going to pay the principal. Estimated monthly savings: $65.

SIGH. I can not comply. That sigh is all I can do. Allow me to explain, point by point:

1. I only pay $65 per month for auto insurance.
2. I have no life insurance (therefore I pay no premium).
3. Look, I bitch about how much fresh produce costs, but I barely spend $200/month at the grocery store on food.
4. I pay maybe a couple bucks a month in bank fees. Too much, but certainly not $25.
5. My cell phone costs $55/month. I could check in to see if I could opt for fewer minutes since I'm not much of a phone gabber, but I wouldn't be able to save more than about $10.
6. DUH. That's what I need to save this $500/month for.

The thing is, I make a decent living. Really. I always blow away the figures for average household income. And day to day, I don't live extravagantly. (I keep my cars for many years, I've never bought a diamond, etc.) There are certainly things I do that cost money (like, I have 4-5 trips planned between now and the end of September, but they're all domestic, and they're short and relatively cheap for vacations).

But the main thing that kills my budget is the cost of living where I do. So over the next few days I'm going to start talking about budgets, linking to other blogs that are doing the same, and analyzing any and every possible place I might start looking to save money that doesn't involve moving or not enjoying life.

Pet insurance redux: Dazzle vs. Maple

I think I may have insured the wrong dog.

Nearly a half a year after my first blog post of substance, I can see it so clearly. I was gambling, and I was doing it just like a gambler does it. Just like the fan in the stands who says of his favorite hitter who has gone 0 for 5, "He's due." I did it just like that, using the same stupid logic. He's not due, you idiot, he's in a slump, and he's more likely to strike out than he is to hit the ball. He's a bad bet, and later you'll see, in hindsight, that you should have known better.

Now I see, in hindsight, that I should have known better.

I chose to purchase health insurance for one dog, rather than two, to test the system. Nothing wrong with that. But in choosing the dog to insure, I employed all the classic gambling blunders. I decided that because I had barely spent any money at the vet on Dazzle (Dog 2) that she was due. I decided that since I had just spent over $1000 at the vet on Maple (Dog 1) that there was no reason for her to get sick again any time soon. My logic seemed 100% reasonable at the time.

But in fact, Maple is just like [insert your favorite brilliant pitcher who is healthy only 25% of the time here]. Every time he comes back to play, everybody expects great things from him. But in truth, he's the pitcher most likely to be injured next, again, because he's just plain prone to injury.

So now I know: Maple is prone to gum infections, and she is generally prone to special circumstances that make her the more expensive dog. Dazzle costs money, too, but not the way Maple does.

And now I'm thinking: Maybe it's time to insure Maple, as well. She's probably going to need antibiotics again before long ($150 for 2 weeks' worth) and she's probably going to need yearly dental cleanings (a few $hundred even without extractions). Oh, Maple, Maple, Maple. A dog that jumps on guests, a dog that jumps when she hears even the faintest jingle of her leash, a dog that hogs my bed, a dog that has more love to give than there are people to receive it. A dog that costs me more money than I spend on anything else besides rent.

A dog that's worth it, with or without insurance.

Backyard campout: report

Yes, I did pitch my tent and sleep in my backyard on Saturday.

Here is a slightly more detailed report on what happened.

I spent the afternoon cleaning up the yard, as had to happen anyway. The grass needed mowing, trash needed to be moved into the driveway, the patio needed to be swept and hosed, and the patio furniture needed to be cleaned. So that was a nice, productive afternoon for me.

In the evening I had a couple friends over and we sat on the patio by the light of some fantastic citronella candle/torches from Crate & Barrel (that they don't seem to sell anymore). We sat, chatted, and drank two bottles of shiraz.

My two wonderful greyhounds and tortoiseshell cat kept us company. Before it got dark I pitched the tent, tossed a sleeping bag and pillow inside, and spread out a couple blankets on the grass for the dogs to sleep on.

• At 12:15am my guests left.
• For the next fifteen minutes I got ready for bed.

• At 12:30am I was safely and comfortably ensconced in the tent with my dog Maple just outside. (Dazzle was already asleep in the house and had no time for our camping shenanigans.)
• At 12:35am it started to rain. I got out of the tent, let Maple go into the house, and put the fly on the tent. The forecast hadn't sounded at all serious about rain, so while I did originally spread the tarp under the tent, I did so only to prevent dew from seeping through, and I never use the fly unless I have to so I had simply kept it at the ready. I got back into the tent and fell asleep to the gentle sound of rain.
• At 3:30am I woke up in a puddle of rain water. In my preparations, I had spread the tarp too far outside the footprint of the tent, so water accumulated on top of the tarp and underneath the tent. Plus, when securing the fly, I didn't secure its flaps far enough out from the tent. So basically I had water seeping in through the bottom and two sides of the tent for three hours.
• At 3:31am, when I realized it was wet no matter which direction I rolled, I collected my sleeping bag and pillow and went inside the house. I changed clothes and went to sleep where normal people usually do: in bed.

I'm thinking of repeating the backyard campout idea as soon as my schedule allows. (I'm not doing it on a school night.) So the first opportunity will be the night of July 3rd. It's fun sleeping out there! I especially hope it doesn't rain, so I can see if my dogs enjoy sleeping outdoors.

July desktop wallpaper calendar from Smashing Magazine

Well, it looks like we survived to see yet another month. And since chances are good we'll be alive during at least part of July, we should really head over to Smashing Magazine to pick out a desktop wallpaper calendar to replace June's. Otherwise, we might be unable to keep track of what day it is, and might not even take notice when August rolls around.

I have to say, Smashing Mag has put together a kick-ass selection for July. As I noted, I wasn't thrilled with June's choices, but luckily I did find an image that was appropriate for le desktop de Jen S. This month there are several that I like quite a lot, but as usual, there is one in particular that stands out as the right one for me.

And here it is, Cow & Chicken, by Vane Kosturanov.


The cow, the chicken, the sky of pea soup green ... the imagery is so perfectly Jen S., that even though the calendar rates, on a scale of 1-10, nearly zero, I will be using Cow & Chicken as my desktop wallpaper calendar for the entire month of July.

It reminds me of Chagall. Because of the chicken, mostly. Any artwork containing a chicken, or hooved creatures (particularly goats) are indubitably Jen S.